Sharp Reminders; I Hate This

There are reminders all over of Ron, but the worst one, the one that hits me deep with emotions, is the new garbage can sitting outside the house. We never had garbage pick up at the house because we always used the dumpster that was, first, outside the store on Main Street, and when Ron closed the business, was moved to the apartment building he owned. Now that the apartment belongs to his offspring, it is no longer mine to use so I've contracted with the company that most people in this area use.

It is a big, ugly green can on wheels. I've rolled it here and there, trying to find a compromise between keeping it out of sight and having it live where it's easy to get it to the road. Nothing works. Short of keeping in a garage, 150 from the road, it can be seen. If Ron were here, he'd build a house for it (at my request), but if Ron were here, it wouldn't be needed.

I've had many days in a row of feeling pretty good. There have been some tears and continued thoughts of Ron's last couple of months, but I've been good. Today, though, is bad. It's bad because of the new garbage can. It's bad because there is so much work to do. It's bad because I want Ron back to help me do all that has to be done -- but then if he were here, there wouldn't be the work. It's bad because I went to Elsie's for supper Sunday and the ride up is sad because we always always always did it together!!