Getting Old(er): Em's Getting Older; I'm Getting Old

Ember's birthday party to celebrate her 2nd birthday was yesterday. The two posts just below this have pictures from the celebration. It still blows my mind that she is 2 years old. I admit I miss the pre-terrible-2 toddler. My favorite age for babies is about 8 months to 18 months, give or take. They're active; they're fun; they're easy to handle; they push buttons but not with any negative intentions in mind.

Thankfully, Ember is usually a pretty easy going toddler. She has her moments -- heck adults have their moments -- but she doesn't hold grudges, and she's full of hugs and kisses more than being contrary.

She loved the wagon we gave her. She climbed in and out and in and out, bringing her dolls with her and settling them in the seat across from the one she was occupying. This morning when her maternal grandmother came to pick her up to take to her house (she lives four doors away from Em), Em asked, "I dwive the wagon?" Nope.. not today.. for it was raining and sleeting and being miserable.

Tomorrow I have Ember, and though it's predicted to rain, I'm hoping that there will be a break so we can at least take a walk around Em's town.

Today was the appointment with the gastroenterologist. I heard what I consider good news, that being most people with Lymphocytic Colitis get over it anywhere from six months to two years. That may sound like a long time, but in my opinion, it's nothing compared to the rest of what I hope is my long life. In the meantime I'm on a drug which should ease the symptoms. I've had problems on and off for the past two weeks. I'm thankful they don't occur every day.

Today's weather - We had everything happen but sunshine. Temps never got above 35 degrees. It rained. It sleeted. It snowed a little bit. It stopped and the sky brightened, but then the rain came down again in torrents.

Life changes - One moment I'm concerned about a condition which could negatively affect the rest of my life, and within five minutes of being in the doctor's office, I'm feeling great relief because of his assumption my condition will fade away.

Ember's Birthday Party: She's 2!!

Grandpa Ron and Grandma

Sneaking a potato chip

The Dora cake

Sweet smile - I love this picture

Ember's Birthday Party: She's 2!! (cont.)

Happy Girl

Eating of the cake

Opening a present
(Wish I could squat flat footed)

The wagon from Grandma and Grandpa
The helmet from Mommy and Daddy

Nothing's New

Some days are just blah. Nothing new to talk about. Nothing exciting to record. Nothing inspiring that makes me want to commit the inspiration to paper... er blog.

Today is one of those days. There really is nothing new or unusual to talk about.

Ron is feeling better. I don't think I wrote that Ron fell Thursday. He fell through rotten boards on the loading dock out back, going down almost to his groin but catching/falling onto his right side and back on a metal container of Freeon. I left Em's early after receiving his phone call, came home and took him to the local walk-in emergency care office (local means I drove only 13 miles). Lee used to call these walk-in medical offices 'Doc in a Box.' X-rays revealed no broken ribs, or none that could be seen. Nonetheless, Ron was in a great deal of pain but the 'script -- Darvacet -- has helped tremendously. Today, two days after the fall, he was able to get his truck out and drive me to the post office and town clerk's office. It wiped him out and he's now taking a nap, but then Ron can fall asleep at any time, any place.

I was worried about him and feel so bad about his pain, but I also feel a bit irked because this is an accident that could have been avoided. There's a saying about if you take care of business, business will take care of you, or something with the same meaning. If Ron had not neglected the loading dock; if he had fixed rotten boards before they could no longer hold his weight; this would not have happened. But honestly, more often than not, planning in advance to avoid problems is not Ron's way. It's his major imperfection, in my opinion.

Today's weather - It's very sunny and bright but the air temp is only in the mid 20s. The wind chill puts it in the low 20s. It's about 20 degrees below normal for the end of March.

Life changes - Instead of life changes, I'm going to write about life lessons. (I can do what I want here 'cause it's my blog .) Soooo..

Life lesson - See above where I refer to Ron's fall and how it could have been avoided. Life is difficult enough without people digging their own pits to fall into. If we take care of that over which we have control -- and there is damn little -- then we can sometimes avoid creating additional problems.

Ember Rois: Official Sitting at 2 Years of Age

Today is Ember's 2nd Birthday!

Today is Em’s 2nd birthday. After some prompting and practice, if you asked, “What is today, Ember?” She responded, “My birfday. I 2!!!” and she would hold up the index finger from each hand.

Two years ago this evening I was flying high with being a new grandmother, and that feeling hasn’t faded much. It was also two years ago this evening that Ron and I cemented our relationship by establishing that, after less than a week of knowing one another, we were a couple. That feeling hasn’t faded much either.

That whole day of March 27, 2006 was quite a day filled with love from the start to the end.

Ember’s birthday party is Sunday. As usual, we got her a U.S. savings bond, which is pretty standard at Christmas and birthday, as well as the Radio Flyer wagon mentioned a few days ago.

Below are a few pictures of Em I took today. Her Aunt Judy (my sister) gave her the three balloons. The other pictures were taken today at the park. It sure looks bleak on this chilly March day, but once things green up, it’s a pretty place.

We had a great time at the park. Another child came and Em glommed onto him like a puppy. He is nine months older than she is, but she’s the same height as he. The age difference was apparent, though, in his speech, which was much better, and his agility and strength. He could climb places Em couldn’t go, not for lack of trying on her part. I love to see her playing with other kids. She’s sociable and loves to interact and be part of the fun.

Today’s weather – It was partly sunny; slightly windy; chilly (in the low 40s); but it was Em’s birthday so it was a beautiful day!

Life changes – Two years of time is 100% of Em’s life. Two years of time is only about 3.5% of my life, yet these past two years have brought changes to my granddaughter’s life that will never happen again in such quick succession.

Em With Balloons on Her 2nd Birthday: March 27, 2008

Em at Park on her 2nd Birthday: March 27, 2008

My Family

Someone recently mentioned to me that my blog seldom mentions my son. I did a search via the labels at the bottom of blog posts and discovered that “son” is spoken only twice in my posts. I can’t imagine I haven’t talked about him more. Probably I haven’t always noted the use of the word “son” in the labels, meaning that post is not searchable for him.

Anyway, I have only one child – my son Tony. Tony is married to Michele. Tony will be 27 in the fall. Michele is almost 25. They will be married 5 years in September. They are the parents of Ember Rois (pronounced Rose), who will be 2 years old tomorrow! She's the cutie in the slideshow to the right.

Having only one child was a choice Patrick, my husband at the time, and I made. I am so grateful for modern medicine which brought us birth control via a pill and a procedure called vasectomy. LOL I married Patrick at age 30. Tony was born when I was 32. Since Em’s birth, there have been occasions when I think it might be nice to have another child – a girl child – but I don’t dwell on what can’t be. Besides, as much as I love Tony, Michele and Ember, I also love being an adult with a wonderful husband and having the time my husband and I have together without having a lot of kids around. It’s just the way I am: independent and not wanting to be tied down more than I choose to be.

I also have two older sisters: Maureen and Judy. Maureen is seven years older than I. Judy is four years older than I. Maureen is married and has two children in their 40s and two grandchildren in their teens. Judy never married.

I have only one first cousin, a woman who is 14 years older than I and someone I haven't seen in over 10 years. I had one maternal uncle and one paternal aunt, plus their respective spouses.

My parents died relatively young. My mom died in 1979 at the age of 61. My dad died at the age of 65, 11 months after mom. In between, I married Patrick. It was quite a year.

It's obvious I come from a small family in number and continued that tradition, and then some, by having only one child. It set the tone for my personality. I like peace and quiet. I don't like chaos and mayhem. My personality is such that I favor being alone or with Ron more than not. I've never been comfortable with people just dropping in, especially if they stay for hours, and being with a lot of people for a long time is stressful to me.

Today's weather - It actually feels like SPRING today. The sun came out. The temp rose into the high 40s. The wind was warm. After doing some cleaning and running errands, I raked leaves away from the daffodil and tulip leaves pushing up and I wore only a sweatshirt! Yeahhh!!

Life changes - Not to get too morbid here, but of the few people I've mentioned above in my family, so many have died. My parents. My aunts and uncles. My former husband Patrick, who died at the very young age of 57. Nothing can be taken for granted.

It's Been A While

I notice that my last post was Friday. Apparently I had a busy weekend, which was true for half of it. The other half of the weekend I was sick.

Saturday I did a lot of cleaning. I had the energy and was in the mood so tackled two of the four upstairs bedrooms for spring cleaning. I like the way everything looks so clean, though in this old house it doesn't last long.

Saturday evening we went to the ceremony for a grandson of Ron's becoming an Eagle Scout. I don't know much about scouting. My son wasn't involved in it. I do know, though, that attaining the rank of Eagle is a very big deal, achieved by only 4 percent of all scouts. It takes a lot of work and dedication, not only on the part of the scout but also his parents. The event was attended by close to 100 people and a nice reception was held afterward.

Early Sunday morning, I woke up sick as a dog, as the saying goes. It was something gastro and when I wasn't being sick, I was laying on the miserably uncomfortable couch in the TV room dozing and holding my stomach. I pretty much stayed there until early evening Sunday, drinking water and having a couple of pieces of dry toast. By this morning, I was feeling much better, though not well enough to take care of Ember, as scheduled. I had also lost five pounds.

Yesterday was the second anniversary of meeting Ron. We met via personals on Yahoo.com. His personal wasn't listed for searching or viewing without his permission. Mine was, which is a good thing or we would never have met. Apparently liking what he read and saw, he wrote me an email. I held off responding for two days because of his age -- 12 years my senior -- but for many reasons, the most clear to me being that we don't know what life will bring, as the early demise of Patrick and Lee prove, I did respond. Long story short is that a week after his first email, we met for lunch at a local Applebee's, and, except for a few days here and there, have been together ever since. We got married April 21, 2007, and I have never been as happy and content as I am now.

Today I feel much better, and having to run errands, I got out my lovely little car this morning. I like it so much. It makes me cheery to sit in it. The errands around town were all close enough to walk, being that I put only about two miles on the car, but it's pretty cold out there, plus I ended up with many things to carry, so I drove to: the grocery store; the library; the bank; the post office; the gas station.

Today's weather - It's mostly sunny though it's still pretty chilly, with a temp in the high 30s. Thankfully it's not raining.

Life changes - Today I can't help think of the past two years and how my life has changed because of a few words exchanged via email between two strangers. When I think of Ron, my insides still get that feeling of excitement that comes only with a new romance. It's wonderful to still have that feeling of "WOW" after two years, and I suspect it will never fade.

Friday... Week is Over

It's funny that I, a retired person, should note that Friday means the end of the week. Before I met Ron, two years ago March 23, most days were pretty much the same to me, other than the increase in traffic on weekends as those who worked ran around doing errands. The "what day is it" syndrome faded with Ron's entry into my life because he is still working, at least part time, and even this past winter, when he did very little work, he still had the Monday to Friday mentality. Then, of course, I do Ember care, which is done only on weekdays. She entered my life on March 27 two years ago and four days after Ron.

So, today is Friday. I don't have Ember until Monday. Ron won't be expecting any work calls. It's a feeling of total relaxation. Of course, being that I had Ember today, I didn't do the housecleaning I usually do on Friday, so tomorrow won't be a total day of relaxation for me, but I'll be home, and that's what's most important.

It was very cold today. With the wind, the actual temp of the air didn't get above the teens. It was much too cold to go the park with Ember, and she didn't mind not leaving the house until late afternoon when she said,"Let's go in da car, Gama. I drive." She was not happy with my turning down her offer to drive, so told me she had to go to work! She was so serious and insistent that I couldn't stop laughing.

My little red car is wonderful. The gas mileage is improving (up to 25 MPG, and climbing, according to the on-board computer) and it is just a sweet little thing to drive.

Life changes - Nothing significant comes to mind today. Some days are just normal days with normal things happening.

Today's weather - Hmmmm.. geeeeee... see above. Cold, terribly windy, but sunny!

Just Stuff

Today was a very busy day. I had an 11 AM appointment to get my teeth cleaned and since it's 45 minutes away, give or take, to Guilderland and I'm a new patient, thereby needing to fill in forms, I left at 10. But I was driving my new little car so I was happy! The dentist appointment went well, though a cavity was found under an old filling, very near a nerve. It will be taken care of next month.

After the dentist, I treated myself to lunch at Crossgates Mall food court. Not exactly haute cuisine, but it worked for me. Done with lunch, I took a quick walk through a couple of electronic stores which revealed neither had exactly what I wanted in the way of electronics, that being a printer for Ron for his birthday and a cable to hook my iPod up to the car's entertainment system.

No big deal. In this day and age, there is nothing if not a profusion of electronic stores competing for the consumer dollar. Staples had exactly what I wanted, and at good prices too. Yippee!!

Then it was off to the grocery store. Borrrrrrrring. I needed just a few things. Jezumcrow, eggs are $2.09 a dozen at Hannaford's. Are they feeding those damn chickens oil???? Again I asked myself how in the world do people with large families feed themselves in a healthy manner? It cannot be done.

Life changes - The cost of goods goes up. That’s a given. If it didn’t happen, the economy wouldn’t function properly. Nonetheless, milk at Stewart’s is $1.99 a half gallon and gas is $3.35 a gallon. The increase in the cost of consumer goods is at a rapid rate and at a tremendous percentage, unlike anything I remember in my life. Now I sound like an old lady – one who remembers gas costing 35 cents a gallon and eggs at 45 cents a dozen. We can never go back to those days, but we need to have the increases slow down.

Today's weather - We had some sun. It was very cold, though. Bitter with the wind. Not a nice day.

A Swing

I bought a swing today for Ember. It's the red one from the picture above. I got it on line for a really good price, and Ron is going to hang it from a branch of one of the apple trees. I’m really excited and hope that she enjoys it as much as I anticipate she will. Sometimes adults have expectations that aren’t met, but Em loves to swing, and I think that it will be very special for her to have her own swing in Grandma's backyard.

Ron suggested a tire swing for Em, but I nixed it. When I was growing up, we had an old tire hanging on a rope. It was kinda fun, but after it rained, it was full of yucky water, and there were often spiders in it. It also was not comfortable. Just exactly what would be comfortable about a vertically hanging tire requiring you to hang on for dear life so you don't fall off?

So now when Em visits, she'll have two "fwings" to choose from: her bucket swing hanging from the apple tree and the canopy-covered, three-person swing that will soon be sitting again on our terrace.

Life changes - My own childhood memories impact what I do for Ember. I mostly feel warm and happy inside when I think of my childhood, and I want my granddaughter to have warm happy memories of her childhood days spent here with me and Grandpa Ron.

Today's weather - It sucked! That's the bottom line. It was gray. It rained. It was cold, nasty and damp. I never left the house, other than to step out the door to feed the feral cats.

New Car; Ember

Very strange. My darling husband starts looking at new trucks a week ago, and yesterday I lease a new car. It's a charming, cherry red, 2008 Ford Focus. In the back of my mind, I've always thought of the Focus as a very small, very cheaply made car. What a surprise to find out it's not. It's comparable to a Honda Civic, and may be a bit bigger.

I first saw the car I got on the showroom floor of a local Ford dealer when Ron went there looking at trucks. With my former 1999 Saturn having over 111,000 miles on it, I think a bright shiny scooter would have looked good, so this shiny new car looked wonderful. And it really is wonderful. It gets good gas mileage; is a great color; has enough bells and whistles to make me happy (the Saturn has none at all -- not even electric windows); and is full of pep and power. The big long hills coming south to where we live didn't slow it down one bit.

Ron has yet to get a new vehicle. He is still mulling and ruminating, ever so slowly and methodically, about it. My darling husband moves in slow and mysterious ways.

It's not been the nicest of days in Upstate New York. Gray gray and gray. Toss in a chilly temp, and I barely enjoyed myself at the park with Ember.

Em and I had a real good day, though she protested loud and clear when it came time to leave the park. She cried walking to the car. When I opened the back door so she could climb in, she sat on the curb and cried. I coaxed this wonderfully terrible 2-year-old into the car, where she sat on the seat instead of getting into her car seat, tears rolling down her face and her lower lip stuck out saying, "I want to fwing. I want to fwing." I coerced and threatened and boosted her bottom and she eventually -- and slowly -- climbed into her car seat, but she folded her arms so I could not put them through the halter belts, all the while crying, nose running, tears pouring down her face.

I maneuvered her into the seat properly, wiped her nose and face and we finally got home, only to have the front door lock stick so it wouldn't open. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh. By then Em wanted IN THE HOUSE so she could get "Beah" (a/k/a Bear) and have a "dwink of juuuce." Instead, Grandma had her sit on the stair while I not-so-patiently tried to unlock the door, which set her to sobbing again. It took me over 5 minutes of wiggling before I got the lock to unlock. By then, I wanted to cry.

The upshot of this is that Em was very very tired, and after a lunch of mac & cheese, she took a three-hour nap. I snoozed on and off for about an hour of that three hours.

Today's weather - Gray, gray, gray. Cold, chilly, damp. It's been a really bad March.

Life changes - Last week I said I wanted to hang on to the old Saturn for at least another 10,000 miles. I changed my mind when I saw that pretty little red car, not to mention I knew the future would bring more $$ being put into keep the Saturn running.

Two Subjects: My Friend; Illness

Friend: Yesterday I met a friend for breakfast. We live equal driving distance from a town in the Hudson Valley and meet there, with me driving south 30 minutes and her driving north 30 minutes. We always have a lot to talk about, because even though we email almost daily, it doesn’t take the place of, or satisfy as much as, talking face-to-face. The diner in which we planned to have breakfast was closed, so we went to McDonald’s instead. That’s fine. McD’s doesn’t care if we sit and talk for three hours, which is what we did.

Meeting this friend is always special and fun. We share laughter and tears. It eases our sorrows and reinforces what's good in our lives. I always come home feeling refreshed and happy.

Sickness: In January I had what I thought was a lower intestinal bug, only it lingered far longer than a little bug should. All told, I was sick for five weeks, with the middle three being the worst. The good part was I lost 12 pounds, and have kept 10 of them off. The bad part was as time went by, I got weaker and weaker and my entire life was arranged around what to eat or what not to eat -- not that I had much of an appetite anyway -- when to eat and, “Where is the restroom.” I felt so weak and sick at the end, that I had to cancel taking care of Ember. The symptoms went away on their own in February, rather slowly as they had started slowlyl in January.

It was a coincidence that, before getting sick, I had a colonoscopy scheduled for the beginning of February. You may say, “Ewwwwww,” which was my reaction when the doctor suggested it when I turned 50, but at the advanced age of 58, it made sense to me to have this preventative procedure.

According to the doctor, after viewing results of the colonoscopy, I have lymphocitic (often called lymphatic, lymphocytic, or microscopic) colitis. It’s not related to cancer, as the word lymphocitic might suggest. It is related to the lymph system and is an inflammatory bowel problem. It is not life threatening, though it can be life altering when one has to arrange every hour of every day around, “Where is the bathroom.”

Frankly, I thought the diagnosis was wrong. I thought that the four weeks prior to the colonoscopy that I had spent being sick would have skewed any test findings, thus resulting in this weird diagnosis. Therefore, I did not do a follow-up appointment with the doctor.

Now, though, I’m questioning my assumption because the past two days I have started feeling sick again. I’ve got that pain in my mid abdominal area that is exactly the pain I had in January, and this morning, I was very glad that our only bathroom was not occupied by my darling husband.

So I’m thinking I have to make an appointment and see the doctor. What a nuisance. I’ve never had a chronic problem. I’ve had very few tests, and hope to Goddess I don’t have to have more. The only medications I’m on are those associated with aging, that being a cholesterol drug and an HRT. The worst prospect, however, is that it’s not always successfully treated. No one knows the cause. There are many meds out there, but they don’t all work for all people, and what works today might not work next week!

Today’s Weather - It kind of sucks, much like the first half of March. We had a dusting of snow overnight. It’s cold (below 30). It’s a little bit breezy. It’s gray and bleak.

Life changes – Sickness. That one word is certainly a force to change one’s life. Nuf said.

Blogspot

It's said one shouldn't bite the hand that feeds it. I suppose then that the sponsor of a place to blog is the hand that feeds those who blog. Well, in this post, I'm biting Blogspot because more days than not, it's not working properly.

Some days I can't upload photos. Some days the slideshow doesn't work in IE7 (try Firefox...works through that browser). Some days it doesn't save drafts so I lose a post. Why do I stay? Because I've got a lot of time and words invested on this blog and all those posts cannot be copied and pasted anywhere else. How's that for a kick in the ass?

And....when it works, it's great!!!

Blogspot is free; maybe I should be grateful for it, whether it works or not. But ya know what? Free does not mean shoddy. If Blogspot can't do the job, then it should fold until it gets it right, or it should start charging so it can hire people who know how to keep it up and running with few problems.

Today's Weather: It wasn't a total write off today. The sun was out a little bit this morning. The temp was mid 40s with no wind. Em and I went to the park without hats or mittens. This evening, though, it's gotten cooler and it's raining.

Life changes - Nothing of notice happened today. I had no insights into life. There were no changes to my life of an unusual nature.

Reinventing Oneself

Being 58 means not having to reinvent myself. We are inundated with books and shows about how to reinvent ourselves. Well ya know what? I’ve been there… I’ve done that -- in my 40s -- and at 58, I’m pretty much invented!! There is room and hopefully time for an occasional tweak, but I have no desire for much more than who I am and what I do.

That’s a pretty dead end sounding picture, but I’m not gonna kid myself. I have no desire to return to school. I read newspapers, magazines and books. That’s formal enough learning for me. I have no desire to get a job. I worked 37 years and retired almost 4 years ago at age 55. I don’t need a job for fulfillment and, hopefully, will not need one for the income.

So I say to all the 40s out there: go at it. Seek out. Look around. Become introspective. Find out as closely as you can what is the best for you. I did it in my late 40s and though it was a terrible struggle filled with much anguish, it is that journey that got me here today. Age 58. Happy. Content. Invented.

Life changes - Life certainly does change, and the 40s for me, as for many people, was chock full of doubts, fears, unhappiness and a desire to be me. I was so unhappy that I was not a nice person. Therefore, not only was I often miserable, those around me were also. I did many things that brought about great change to my life, and since all of what I experienced made me who I am today, and I cannot regret any of it.

Today's Weather: It's cold, about 30 degrees. It's breezy. It's mostly cloudy. A little bit of snow lingers in the backyard. I yearn for spring.

Trips to Albany

I live.. oh… 25 to 35 miles away from Albany. The 25 miles gets me to the south and west side of the city and its immediate suburbs. The higher mileage gets me to the north and east side of the city and its suburbs.

Sometimes I feel as if I live in a vehicle, driving up and down the highway to Albany and back. My husband sees a lot of doctors at various intervals, and twice a week I drive the 70-mile round trip to take care of Ember. If I have two days in a row at home, I feel lucky.

With the price of gas, we try to combine the reasons for going to Albany and its suburbs. A doctor appointment coincides with grocery shopping or a stop at BJs Wholesale Club.

Two trips this week to Albany, though, have been because my husband is in the market for a new truck. We went to Albany on Monday to look at trucks. We went to Albany today to look at trucks. I could have stayed home, of course, but I like looking at new vehicles, and I wanted to have some say in the purchase of one, even if it will be Ron's truck.

I was in Albany, actually a small town just north of Albany on Tuesday to take care of Ember.

Tomorrow, Thursday, I am driving to just north of Albany to meet friends for our monthly dinner-out-with-the-girls' night.

Friday, I drive north again to take care of Ember.

That's way too many days away from home, into Albany and its environs, not to mention the mileage put on the truck or my car. It is a dilemma faced by all who live in the country. If we want serious services, whether it be medical, retail, or eating, we have to drive away from where we live.

Today's Weather: With today's post, I am going to start adding info about the weather. It was about 32 when we got up this morning, the high temp was low 40s. It was mostly cloudy; some snow showers as we drove to Albany; and it was very very windy. Overall, it was not a nice day.

Life changes - I had a day that pretty much revealed nothing to me. Maybe if I put a lot of thought into it, I could come up with something, but I don't feel like thinking that much.

Little Red Wagon

The little red wagon isn't what it used to be. For my granddaughter's 2nd birthday on March 27, I've bought her a red wagon. It's a Radio Flyer but it's not the small, metal, not-so-stable wagon from my youth. They still make those, but I wanted something that can be used for multi-purposes, so got this molded plastic wagon. Just looking at it makes me smile. I love the bright red color and the real rubber tires. It shouts FUN!

When the two blue seat backs are folded down, it serves as a regular wagon to haul stuff around. With the seat backs in an upright position, each end becomes a place for a child to sit, with seat belts and a deep well in the bottom for their feet. It even has cup holders. The blue basket on the end is for carrying a few things when the wagon is occupied by kids.

Ember will like this wagon, but the adults in her life will like it more. Em lives in a small village, and when we go places in it, we usually walk. The park is our favorite destination. It's only about five blocks from her house; close enough to walk to and from, but too much of a walk for a little girl after playing at the park for a couple of hours. So this year we'll use the wagon instead of a stroller, which she's outgrowing anyway.

Life changes - Some things do get better with age and change, and the Radio Flyer wagon is one of them.

Sunday..Sundayyy and A Peek at Life with my Husband

For those of us of a certain age (as in old), Sunday Sunday is remembered as a song sung by the Mamas and the Popas. Today is Sunday and the first day of daylight savings time for the year 2008. We sprung ahead. Supposedly we lost an hour of sleep, but for those of us who have no reason to get up the regular time, we just slept in an hour later. Works for me!

My funk of yesterday has fled. Thank the Goddesses. I really don't like being that way, but it does happen so I go with the flow. Anyway, short of a happy pill, which I don't take, there's not much I can do about it.

Happy pills aren't bad things, by the way. In the worst moments of my life, when I wasn't sleeping, was losing weight, could not concentrate at work, and just hated getting out of bed (boy, talk about textbook depression), I sought help. That help was therapy and Paxil, or as some call it, Vitamin P. What Paxil did for me was clear my head so I could think and work my way out of the situations that were causing the depression. A person can't think logically when sunk in despair.

The anti-depressant also helped me understand what I can do to avoid falling into depression in the future, if it should ever happen again.

Depression runs in my family. Looking back on my childhood, I realize that my father was a moody, often depressed, person. Knowing this has made me aware that all the things I thought were my fault -- kids, being self-centered creatures, always think "it" is their fault -- weren't my fault. His reactions to typical kid acts were his problem. Unfortunately, as a child, I had no resources to know that and it affected much of my adult life, but that's another post.

Growing older has eliminated much of the melancholy and guilt I've felt in my life. It takes getting older to appreciate how short life is, to comprehend that we have little control over so many life situations and to understand sometimes it is just the other person's problem. Worrying about things over which we have no control is a waste of time. It takes life experience, though, to figure this out, and it's only the grave, distressing, and adverse experiences that demonstrate to us our lack of power.

Life changes - I have reached a point in my life where I can often -- not always -- not worry about issues that will play out the way they're meant to play out.

ADDENUM TO SUNDAY SUNDAY..

I love my husband. That’s not always a given because we all know people who don’t. They just play at it. We like spending time together and one of the things we do together is walk. This winter has been so miserable that we haven’t walked in months, but today, though the wind chill has made it bitter cold, Ron said he was going for a walk, and I jumped right in.

Our walks usually take us to the back of the property, down the trail left by the backhoe, across the creek, or crick as it’s called, and up the hill to the cemetery. Today, though, we took the truck down the highway a short ride because the crick was too high with rushing water for me to be comfortable walking on the rocks (under water).

The cemetery? Yepper. Cemeteries are good places to walk. The roads are usually even and flat. There’s little traffic. It’s quiet , and it’s usually interesting. I like old headstones and reading the names of people and to whom they were related. Our cemetery dates back to the early 1800s, so it’s very interesting.

I say "our" cemetery because Ron has a long association with it. His father was on the board and Ron is now a vice president. He has innumerable duties from selling plots to digging graves, hence the reference above to the track left by the backhoe. It is all handled with dignity and respect though it puts a whole new spin on reading obituaries!

Cemeteries and death are not new to me. My maternal grandfather, who lived in a big house in Utica, NY, was an undertaker. The deceased were laid out in the front parlor. The embalming room was attached to and behind the garage. I clearly remember being a little girl of 4 or 5 (in the early 1950s) and having to be quiet in the kitchen with my grandmother while a funeral was going on in the front parlor. I have a couple of memories of walking up to open caskets and seeing the person laid out. I was not afraid. Children take their cues of how to react from the adults around them. The adults in my life were not afraid; therefore, neither was I.

Another connection to the life cycle of death is on my father’s side. My paternal grandfather drove a horse-drawn hearse for Baxter’s Funeral Home in Schenectady, NY. He was also the first person to drive a motorized hearse in Schenectady. My dad also drove hearses to make extra money. This was long before I was born, but I heard stories when I was growing up.

I suppose the final connection to death and cemeteries rests with the people I’ve known, loved ones, who have died. Losing someone is difficult, but it is a part of life. Hmmm… To lose someone sounds as if we let go of their hand in Sears and find them in the lost and found. It’s a gentler way of saying death. I think it’s a way of avoiding saying the word death.

Life changes – The thing is, death happens. It is a part of life. The first time it occurs, the pain can be incredible. Each ensuing death does not make the pain any less, but experience with it gives us strength to move on and continue living, with enjoyment even, because life does go on.

Moody Day

I'm in a lousy mood, and the day might have been better spent sleeping. Come to think of it, I did do some of that. The day is gray, rainy, damp, chilly, miserable. I woke up feeling blah.. just blah. Did a few household chores, then, feeling really crappy, laid on the couch and dozed on and off for three hours!!! This is something I very very seldom, if ever, do.

You'll often hear me refer to Ron as my DH (darling husband) or the best husband in the world because for me, he is the absolute best mate. He is extraordinarily easy going. He seldom worries about anything. He's not a control freak. He accepts, and loves if applicable, people just the way they are, without expectation of change to meet his ideas. He may not understand me all the time, but then, he IS a man.. LOL.

Today, though, I could have done without him around. He didn't do anything. He was just here when all I wanted to do was be alone to be miserable. He was warned early on this morning that I was in a lousy mood, so he avoided me. Smart man.

Life changes - When I'm in a lousy mood, all I want to happen is a change to bring me out of my funk. Maybe tomorrow...

Simple Things

The past two days have been spent with Ember here at our house. This time around, unlike three months ago, she's no longer afraid of Grampa Ron. With his beard and mustache and deep voice, he can be intimidating to kids. She's matured and talks to him often on the phone, as well as I talk about him a lot, so when she got here yesterday, she ran right to him with a big hug and kiss. He was thrilled.

Simple things are: coloring on big paper and making any sort of marks or shapes you want; tossing a soft round ball up the stairs and watching it bounce back down; being given a deck of old cards and playing 52 pickup; trying to build a tower of blocks as high as possible; snuggling with Bear and Bunny on Grandma's lap (who enjoys it more?); finding Grandma's treadmill and walking on it with her; playing in the snow and being pulled by Grampa Ron in the sled.

I love doing all of these things and more, but as a 58-year-old adult, after a while they are boring. That's when I'm glad it's time for lunch or a nap or even 30 minutes of PBS programming for kids.

Adult simple things are: Pizza and a Killean's Red after daddy picks up Ember. LOL I'm not much of a drinker. An occasional glass of wine and, when the food and mood are in sync, a really cold bottle of Killean's Red beer.

Another adult simple thing: Hugging and being hugged by one's adult son. I remember his little-boy hugs as if they still happen, and his adult hugs and "Thanks, mom," are pretty damn good too.

Ember sayings: Do it! Peasssssssseee. Tank you. I yuv you, Gama. Where's Beah (bear)? Why not? I do it! Gama said No Touch. I pooped, Gama. Oh mannnnnnnn. No way!

Of course there are dozens more, Em's quite the talker, but these are dear to my heart. There's something about the sound of her voice and the look on her face that touches something deep inside me.

Life changes - The changes in Ember's life happen so quickly that we adults can't blink our eyes without missing something. Em can now communicate so we understand. Em is no longer afraid of Grampa Ron. Em runs freely around this big ole' house, without fear of getting lost. Em plays with the toys here with a maturity and thoroughness that was not present in December. The one thing that hasn't changed is that unknown to her on a conscious level is the trust she has for the adults in her life. The trust of a child is the most precious experience that can be experienced.

Just Stuff and Ramblings

You Belong to Me is the song playing from my 'puter via iTunes. It's a slightly modernized arrangement, piano with strings in the background, of an old song, and it's lovely.

On the way home Sunday evening from dinner at relatives, a deer ran from the woods on the passenger side. Miraculously, s/he was able to turn on a dime and we missed it, though I think we might have brushed the tail. Had we hit it, it would have been the third deer Ron has hit with his truck. With the coming of spring, the deer are on the move, and it is downright dangerous on the road, for them and drivers.

I had Em yesterday. I do some of my best thinking while driving alone, and I some real good thoughts for yesterday's blog, but the day was busy, and they faded. Besides, I never did get time to write yesterday.

Em's maternal grandmother has been diagnosed with kidney stones and will have a procedure tomorrow to break them up. Modern medicine is a wonder. Instead of an invasive procedure, they will use sound waves which travel through soft tissue without damage, to break up the stones into small fragments which can then be passed. Since the other grandma will be out of commission for a couple of days, I've been asked, and of course am very glad to do it, to take Em for the next two days. Rather than drive up there these next two days, I'll go up tomorrow and bring her home for an overnight, and her parents will pick her up Friday after work.

Em does not like to be away from her home. Last time she spent an overnight with us was in December, and when she was not occupied, thus having time on her mind to think, she would ask, "Bye-bye home?" It broke my heart to see her sadness. She was fine, though, when playing. What's that adage about an idle mind being the playground for the devil?

Em and I went to lunch yesterday with one of my older sisters. As I was getting Em ready to go bye-bye, she asked, "I drive?" LOL "Sure," I said, "Do you have your license?" "I drive good, Gama," and on the 10-minute drive to the restaurant she made "brmmmmmmm" driving noises with an occasional "beep beep" horn sound. She makes me laugh.

Why do meteorologists forecast up to seven days in advance? Maybe a better question is why do we even need a convulated forecast anyway? Give me a graph with a sun, a cloud, raindrops, snow, lightening, whatever symbol is appropriate, and spare me the five-minute history of what happened yesterday (I lived it.. I know what happened), and what MAY happen three days from now. Honestly, I don't care that the low forming in the Pacific Northwest may "arrive here" -- the east coast -- in three days and may negatively affect our weather. That's way too many "mays" for me.

Life changes - aren't always metaphysical, psychological or spiritual. Sometimes life changes are concrete occurrences. For instance, I want to know why as women age they lose body hair in some places and get it in others? And if you are under the age of 50 and reading this, don't kid yourself by thinking it won't happen to you. It will!

A Good Day

It was a beautiful sunny day today. The high temp was 50 degrees! Spring is sure in the air. Two days in a row of sunny weather. We'll pay for this (more on that later.. LOL).

My darling husband had a follow-up visit with the urologist today. The doctor was upbeat about there not being cancer, based on the negative biopsy report last month. Nonetheless, I carry a niggle of worry because my DH hasn't had a clean cytology screening. We get the results of that next week.

After the doctor appointment, we went to lunch at 99 Diner. Our server was less than on the ball, but the food is good and plentiful. We each had a different specialty salad and brought half of them home for supper. This is day #5 of me not having to cook. I'm sure I've mentioned I hate to cook.

Then it was time for monthly grocery shopping. Can ya hear me groan? Actually it's not bad, once I get over the shock of laying out that much money all at once. I plan meals for an entire month at a time, and around the first of each month, after the all important retirement check is direct deposited, I hit my favorite grocery store and also go to BJs (our wholesale club store), both up in Albany, and drop a few hundred bucks between the two. I always wince at the totals, and dread the ordeal of finding places for all the stuff once home, but except for fruit and veggies and milk and bread, I'm pretty much set for meals until next month.

Weather: It's gonna be bad the next day or two. Rain, freezing rain, sleet, and then back to rain. Just give me snow. Six, eight, ten inches of it. I really don't care, but please don't give us freezing rain. Nuf said.

Life changes - At the drop of a hat, or a phone call with test results, life can change. I'm so grateful that being married to Ron is reinforcing a hard-learned lesson of living in the right now. For right now, Ron is healthy. For right now, we aren't worrying (well, I'm not worrying much). For right now, all is right with our world.

Sunny Day....

Think of Sesame Street's theme song, and that's the Sunny Day music that's running through my mind. Though the air temp may be cold, the sun is high in the sky -- heck, it is March after all, it should be high -- and the sun is hot so the snow is melting and it feels/looks like spring!

While my darling husband has been freezing his.. uhm... errr... one of his nicer looking body parts off up in the Adirondacks, and from what he's telling me, eating very well (thank the Goddesses for a man who likes to cook), I have not been eating well and therefore have lost a few pounds. This is a good thing. Well the losing weight is good; not eating well is not a good thing.

I really really really (I mean REALLY) hate to cook, so when there's no one for whom to cook, other than myself, I've been known to have popcorn and orange juice for supper. This time, though, I've been into pasta -- any type of pasta -- with a smidgeon of butter and lots of Parmasan cheese. Who can lose weight eating pasta? Apparently I can, but it doesn't take much to fill me up, so the quantity doesn't go against me.

My husband was very glad to learn that I did not abandon the homestead. We're again fine, which is always a warm feeling.

It snowed on and off all day yesterday. The big storm predicted overnight Friday into Saturday never materialized (what do meteorologists learn in school??), but we did have a couple of inches, and then during the day today another couple from the squalls that come roaring down the Mohawk Valley from the Great Lakes. It was rather fairytale-landish being out in the squalls. I imagine being a miniature person in a snowglobe that's been shaken would be the equal to the feeling of being immersed in a heavy snow squall.

I've joined a grandparenting group on Yahoo and am enjoying it very much. It's a chatty group of what seems to be mostly women. Today I've had a lot of time to read each email that's come through and respond. I don't always have a couple of hours to read and write, but I am enjoying what I can do. The one thing we have in common, obviously, is our love for our families and grandkids. Below is a picture of my wonderfully terrible-2 granddaughter taken 2 days ago. She was watching Word World on PBS while I fixed her breakfast. Pretty relaxed kid, hmm? lol


I can't imagine my life without Ember in it. Just thinking about her not being a part of our family brings tears to my eyes.

Life changes - Hmmm.. being a grandmother makes me realize I am really a grownup, but thankfully I still have a streak of whimsy in me that I can share with Ember.

March 1

Today is the first day of meteorological spring, so sayeth the local weather person. Somebody forgot to tell the Weather Goddess cause we had more snow overnight. Thankfully it wasn't as much as predicted. When will I learn NOT to believe weather predictions.

My darling husband called last night from camp. It got to minus 32 degrees overnight Thursday into Friday. Sounds like a lot of fun. NOT! Unfortunately, our conversation did not end on the best of notes. I was complaining about being alone in this big ole' house and perhaps being snowed in because he wasn't here to plow the (long) driveway. It's not the lack of him to plow that bothers me. It's my lack of control over being able to get the driveway plowed. Because he plows it, we (I) have no relationship with someone who can be hired to plow. Unfortunately, he doesn't understand that my lack of control -- my inability to take care of what may occur -- is very troublesome to me.

Anyway, I think I left him with the impression that I would not be here when he returns tomorrow, which is far from what I meant. Once done talking with me, he turns off the cell phone to preserve battery use, so though I called, I had to leave a voice mail and I don't know when he'll get it.

I don't like being alone here. All the words in the world don't take away the feeling that when he's not here, this is not my house. Too many years of history of him living here and knowing the ins and outs of this building make it his. I liken it to driving a car. If it's your car, you know each squeak, each sound it makes, and whether it's something that can be ignored or something new to be addressed. It's the same with the house. I don't have enough history with it to know if something is on the verge of falling apart: what THAT sound means or THIS sound means.

Life changes - And sometimes life doesn't change. My reactions too often are the same I've had for years and years.