Just Stuff

The storm from 2 weeks ago lasted 5 days. It snowed and snowed and snowed. I ended up with 36 inches in my backyard. Up on the mountain they had 6 to 8 feet of snow! The weight of the heavy snow, in addition to the wind that picked up, brought down parts of 3 trees. Last week I hired a company to take down 2 of the 3 trees, one of which was an apple tree, and part of the third tree, part of which was leaning against the house.

The bad weather has put me behind schedule. I was hoping to have a date set for Russ and his associates to remove stuff for an auction. The front door still has 4 feet of snow in front of it, from sliding off the roof, so have to wait until that melts for removal of items.

I've hired a real estate agent. No contract has been signed yet, but soon. We are in agreement that the house is a fixer-upper and that it should not be overpriced.

All of this -- property damage and hiring a real estate agent -- has brought me down. I spent a lot of last week crying. I miss Ron so much. I again feel as if I'm cutting him out of my life.... out of his life.

Today, though, I had an epiphany of sorts. I remembered that Ron always -- ALWAYS -- lived for the day. He didn't spend time thinking about yesterday and didn't worry much about tomorrow. Pretty much this means to me that even if he could "see" or "know" what's happening here, he wouldn't be concerned because my today is his yesterday. It's his former life. He's gone.

In the 3-1/2 years I knew Ron, he might have mentioned his late wife Edie a few dozen times and those occurred mostly in the first year or two. It's not that he forgot her or disrespected her or even stopped loving her. It's that Edie was in the past, and I was the present, the here and now. If he is "living" somewhere, if his energy goes on somewhere, he is "living" his time, not what was left behind.

It's a lonely feeling, but it's also liberating. Maybe I won't feel that I'm selling bits and pieces of Ron off with each decision I make. I can make my life decisions, decisions I would make anyway, without guilt.