Winter 2011

Christmas was a month ago. Like other events in life at my age, it seems as if it could have been last week or 6 months ago. It all depends on my mindset at any given moment. Ever since Christmas weekend we have had winter full force. Lots of snow. Lots of very cold, below average, temperatures. I can almost hear the propane pouring into the furnace.

I got sick over New Year's weekend, and am still not 100%. It started as a cold caught from Ember. I coughed, sneezed, blew (nose) and felt miserable for close to 2 weeks, actually calling "in sick" one of my days to care for Ember. I'm better but still have a slight ear ache, drippy nose and lots of sneezing.

Next week I have my annual physical with my doc. I actually see a PA who knows me so well she can all but answer the questions she asks of me. Nothing much has changed, other than this not feeling quite well is hanging on. I'm going to ask for an antibiotic, and she'll give it to me. I don't complain or ask for meds much so if I ask, it's probably a good idea.

In another 5 days, it will be the 18-month anniversary of Ron's death. ::big sigh:: What can I say? Though each life is unique, only another widow can relate. My life isn't bad, but it's not as interesting or fun as when Ron was alive. I'm not unhappy nor do I cry incessantly, but I do cry sometimes and I am sad sometimes. I also am aware that if I had the choice of Ron alive but very very ill and in pain, which he would have been (even if he lived another 18 months), or Ron dead, I would choose his death. He would have **hated** a "life" of disability, pain and relying on others for his care. Of course if there was a door #3 where Ron was alive and well, I would choose that.

Nobody has looked at the house since before Thanksgiving. Will it sell this year? I hope so. I can do anything, even continue to live down here, but I don't want to. I want to be close to Ember and I want a newer place, whether I rent or buy, and I want to be close to stores and shopping and friends and volunteer opportunities.

Gas prices have gone sky high again. $3.25 isn't unusual for regular. Oh joy. Just when I'm thinking of buying a crossover vehicle which doesn't get as good mileage as my Focus.