March 1

Today is the first day of meteorological spring, so sayeth the local weather person. Somebody forgot to tell the Weather Goddess cause we had more snow overnight. Thankfully it wasn't as much as predicted. When will I learn NOT to believe weather predictions.

My darling husband called last night from camp. It got to minus 32 degrees overnight Thursday into Friday. Sounds like a lot of fun. NOT! Unfortunately, our conversation did not end on the best of notes. I was complaining about being alone in this big ole' house and perhaps being snowed in because he wasn't here to plow the (long) driveway. It's not the lack of him to plow that bothers me. It's my lack of control over being able to get the driveway plowed. Because he plows it, we (I) have no relationship with someone who can be hired to plow. Unfortunately, he doesn't understand that my lack of control -- my inability to take care of what may occur -- is very troublesome to me.

Anyway, I think I left him with the impression that I would not be here when he returns tomorrow, which is far from what I meant. Once done talking with me, he turns off the cell phone to preserve battery use, so though I called, I had to leave a voice mail and I don't know when he'll get it.

I don't like being alone here. All the words in the world don't take away the feeling that when he's not here, this is not my house. Too many years of history of him living here and knowing the ins and outs of this building make it his. I liken it to driving a car. If it's your car, you know each squeak, each sound it makes, and whether it's something that can be ignored or something new to be addressed. It's the same with the house. I don't have enough history with it to know if something is on the verge of falling apart: what THAT sound means or THIS sound means.

Life changes - And sometimes life doesn't change. My reactions too often are the same I've had for years and years.