Home From the Hospital?

The CT scan did not show the cancer has spread. Pretty much it is confined, though the doctor qualified this by saying that without a contrast CT, which Ron can't have because of his kidneys, nothing is certain.

This was good news!! What was, and is, not good news is that Ron's breathing starting to deteriorate and he was feeling weaker and weaker. An appointment with his kidney doctor on Monday, July 13, revealed that his blood pressure was very low: 75/43 or something like that. We were given advice to help raise it that night at home, none of which worked, so the next morning, after a call so the nephrologist and oncologist, I took Ron to the the ER at Memorial Hospital. He was admitted and has been there ever since. A week today....opps today is now Wednesday so it was a week yesterday.

The hospital stay has been partly nightmare partly OK. I have a list of things that constitute the nightmare part but they are too many and right now I don't feel like writing about them. The OK part probably represents my settling down and accepting that care in hospitals isn't what it used to be.

Ron's blood pressure was brought under control by removing him from his BP medicines. Since he had lost 28 pounds, it was no longer needed. His breathing problems won't go away. He will have good days and bad days. The problem is caused by what the pulmonologist called the "perfect storm" of medical issues, including bad kidneys, cancer, chemo treatments, his age and sleep apenea. One or two of these wouldn't be so bad, but all together they cause a major problem. Oh, his racing heart, which started in the hospital, was brought under control by putting him back on Metoporlol, a beta blocker.

Three times Ron was on the verge of release from the hospital and three times another medical issue has occurred. Today, though, I am confident that the anticipated release will happen.

He is terribly weak. He needs a walker to walk. ::sigh:: When he first used the walker, I almost fell apart, but after yesterday, when he was in so much pain in his lower back that he couldn't get out of bed let alone walk, seeing him use the walker today made me happy because it allowed him to walk.

The lower back pain was the latest issue that kept him from being released. The oncologist thinks the cancer has spread and yesterday ordered a bone scan, the results of which were not available when the doctor did rounds at 3 PM. He thought at rounds yesterday that he might as well do an MRI while Ron was in the hospital, so Ron may have that today. The pain is brought under control with a pain med and it has allowed Ron to sit up on the edge of the bed to eat meals and, as I mentioned, walk!

Soooooooooooo... barring yet another issue, Ron will be released later today.

The first few days he was in the hospital, I was there 11 hours or so each day. That's way too much time, and I was coming home exhausted. I also caught one hell of a cold and I never catch colds. By day 5 of his stay, I was visiting him for 9 hours or so, and sometimes going out in the middle of the afternoon to go shopping or even to run over to see Em for a few minutes.

I miss Ember so damn much. I've gone from caring for her twice a week to not caring for her at all. When I saw her for 15 minutes on Sunday, she came flying at me, jumped into my arms, and kissed and hugged me, not letting me go. A few minutes later when were were making a cherry cake out of mud, she said, as if she were commenting on how nice the day was, "I miss you Grandma Marla, ya know?"

Made me tear up, though I didn't cry in front of her. That was difficult because I've been doing a lot of crying lately. Crying because I miss Em. Crying because I'm afraid that Ron is slowly going down hill. Crying because I miss the old normal and I'm afraid of the unknown that is ahead of us.

I miss Ron so much. This house, which I'm not all that fond of anyway, isn't a home without him. I haven't missed having to cook, though! LOL

Weather - Rain. How many ways can it be spelled or occur? It continues to rain almost every day as if we lived in a rain forest.

Exercise - Does walking to and from a hospital room constitute exercise. Not only have I NOT exercised, I have done nothing but eat junk food. I've gained weight.

Random thoughts - Sometimes I think Ron has given up. Will he ever walk out of this house again without help? How am I going to get him to doctor appointments? Will I ever be able to take care of Ember, even one day a week, again? Will Nolan ever buy the fucking apartment house so we can get that off the "to do" list?