Sadness

Crazy days abound around here. Well, maybe not crazy but no two days in a row are the same. Sometimes I long for tedium and monotony, but then I suppose like napping (one can always nap when dead or so old who knows the difference), I can always be bored when I’m too old to do much of anything.

Ron has had doctor appointments in the past week. The one with the sleep doctor revealed he has very severe sleep apnea, upwards of 93 episodes an hour! He will return for another ‘sleepover’ to transition to a CPAP. He’s not keen on the idea of the machine, but he is willing to try it.

Changes are inevitable, aren’t they. I always thought, though, that as I grew older, changes would be fewer and farther apart. I could not have been farther wrong in my thinking. From my long-thought-out decision of 10 years ago to separate and divorce; meeting Leland; meeting Mark; Tony going into the Air Force; Tony marrying Michele; Tony leaving the Air Force; me retiring; Tony & Michele having Ember; me meeting Ron; me marrying Ron a year later; there have been more changes than I could have imagined. More changes in my life in the past 10 years than the previous 20.

The most recent change has been a surprise and shock and made me very sad. Tony told me that he and Michele have decided to legally separate with the intention of filing for a divorce in a year. In New York State, a couple can be divorced without cause after being legally separated for one year. None of us had any idea they were unhappy or that their marriage was in trouble.

I never thought they were a blissful couple, but they’re young, they have a toddler, they both work – that’s a lifestyle that doesn’t lend itself to constant, obvious happiness. I never thought, though, they were so far apart that they would separate.

It breaks my heart for Ember. Divorce is tough on kids no matter the age. At 2 years of age, she won't remember her parents living together. All she'll know is there are some days at daddy's; some days at mommy's; and in between the two grandmas take care of her.

I've done a lot of crying. I'm also worried. At our age, we know that life isn't always better just because one leaves a marriage. Perhaps the separation will bring them closer, but to be honest, that’s a far-fetched idea.

Hopefully - may the powers-that-be be kind – they will remain friends as they say they are now and plan on being. It’s very possible. Patrick and I divorced so amicably and easily, and remained friends, that it’s still talked about as extraordinarily unusual.

As far as I know, I am still needed and wanted as a two-day-a-week care giver for Ember. My heartbreak would be 100 fold if that part of my life changed too.

Exercise – Haven’t done any in over a week.

Today’s weather – It’s been chilly the past few days, and today is no exception. The average daytime temps have been 8 to 10 degrees below normal, and it’s been partly cloudy also. We’ve had bad thunderstorms go through, but I don’t think they’re expected today.

Gas prices – Here in Greenville they are $4.239. Up in the Guilderland area, they are $4.179 and $4.199.

Life changes – How can changes continue to come in a number and speed which makes me catch my breath? Why is it that I can’t have more than a month or two of being comfortable, with few worries, before something blindsides me? Who knows, but it is what it is, and we’ll deal with it.