Ron's funeral was a week ago yesterday. These "first anniversaries" are tough to handle. There will be many of them in the next year, and I dread them all.
I've tried to have something planned to do each day of the week. Monday, Joan was here. Pat came for a visit. I mowed the lawn and Abby came while I was doing that.
Tuesday - yesterday - I had lunch with Deb at her house. She has a lovely place, including a great deck overlooking her yard. I was surprised that I enjoyed myself. When I got home, I trimmed some branches from the magnolia tree and started filling in potholes in the driveway. Somebody's got to do it. Kevin came over late afternoon to catalog Ron's fire arms for me and took them to Rich, who has a Federal license.
Today is Wednesday. I'm going to do more outside work before I shower and then head over to Social Security for an afternoon appointment.
Gotta keep busy or else I'd scream and cry a lot. Mornings are better than later on in the day for my emotions being under control. By 4 PM, I am sinking into my grief. As much as I dislike cooking, there is comfort in the ritual of preparing supper and coming together with my husband. Even if we had both been busy during the day and had seen little of one another (before he got sick), I knew that we'd be together for supper, so about 4 PM, when it would be time to start supper, the grief pours over me, and I long for what we had. I miss the rituals loving couples have. Watching TV is agony because Ron isn't here. I watch only those shows I've DVR'd because Ron didn't care about them.
And I talk to him. Anyone who has lost a loved one talks to that person, and I think we all seriously hope for a reply, or at least a sign that they hear us.
Sometimes I still cannot believe that I will never see my husband again. Never again. How is this possible?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment