Family

When a person marries, they marry not just their intended, but they marry a family, or at least into a family. Sometimes it works out great. Other times not so good.

When I married Ron last April, I not only got his blood family in the bargain – which often isn’t a bargain – but I got the family of his late wife – which is always a bargain. His late wife’s family, whom I refer to as his in-laws, sometimes are more like family to him than his blood family. They accepted me without compunction or second thoughts first because I was with Ron, and that was good enough for them, and then second because they like me.

I come from a very small family, having only two siblings and only one cousin. Ron’s in-laws are big in number and heart. A typical Sunday supper can have 15 to 22 people, depending on who shows up. At first it was very overwhelming to be with them because of the sheer number of people. Now it’s normal, though occasionally the noise and confusion will be a problem for me because noise and confusion can be triggers for stress.

Today I was asked to spend lunch with Lady, a nickname whose origins I don’t know, who is in many ways the matriarch of the family, though she’s never married and never had children. She is, though, almost 95 years old and by age alone, deserves a special ranking. She is an aunt to Elsie (and Elsie's siblings), one of Ron’s sisters-in-law and with whom we have Sunday supper each week, and she now lives in Elsie’s house. Elsie’s husband is in the hospital, post-op from heart bypass surgery, and Lady was pretty much going to be alone for most of the day, hence the reason for my visit.

Lady is charming, smart and witty and has an acerbic sense of humor. She’s also deaf as a doornail, so to be with her means shouting a lot. I love being with her, though. Her age alone makes me feel secure in a way I can’t describe. Her wit and humor keeps me on my toes. She was delighted to see me but was immediately suspicious as to why I was there, never having just popped in before. I told a half lie about both of us being alone for the day (she was alone, I wasn’t, hence half a lie) and that I thought it would be nice to have lunch together rather than have lunch alone.

We spent a lovely hour plus discussing the health and well being of various family members, and there are many many members to discuss.

When I left, Lady’s parting words were, “Be nice to Ronnie now,” something I often hear. When Ron and I are there together, Lady will say as we walk out the door, “Now you two be nice to one another.” Simple words, but if taken to heart and applied, they could solve a myriad of problems in relationships. Ron and I have no problems, but these words always make me think how important it is to be nice to one’s beloved, for if we can’t be nice to the person we love, who can we be nice to?

I lucked out when I married my darling husband. His in-laws could have resented me or saw me as replacing their much-loved and often-missed daughter, sister, aunt. Since they are as important to Ron as his own family, how they reacted to my presence in Ron's life could have influenced the outcome of our relationship. These lovely people, though, embraced me.

Today's weather - For most of today, it's been nice. Sunny, very warm (low 60s) and all together a day to be happy about.

Life lessons - Lady teaches me that life isn't over until it's over and to have a healthy mind and rich sense of humor is as important as having a healthy body.